Mulberries and Mudbricks

Vang Vieng Organic Farm

We'd planned to do a cooking class but, like so many plans made in Laos, this didn't quite go as we'd expected. It worked out pretty well though!

The Red Apron of Culinary Excellence

Almost every day in Laos I have seen these aprons. People cooking food, serving drinks, stirring noodles, doling out rice, pouring beer and even bosses counting their profits wear them.

They cover up a lot; they are worn by men and women, boys and girls; they are cheap; they advertise a Lao noodle soup company (or so it appears to me). They are bright, cheerful and everywhere. I kind of love them.

A Very Laos Christmas

My Christmas in Vientiane was not too dissimilar to what I might experience at home. There was food, wine, talking crap about religion, politics and hairstyles. There was even carol singing!

There was food and wine and then a lot of lying around feeling full

Zooropa

Lao Zoo aka 'Vientiane Zoo', 'Baan Kuen Zoo' or just 'The Zoo' (there is only one public zoo in Laos).

Seemed like a great idea at the time - catch the bus to Vientiane zoo for a few hours on Sunday.

LARP YOU LONGTIME!

Some days (most days) things can be a bit confusing at work. I often tune out to the chatter in the office as I don't understand most of it (I tune back in when I hear my name - kind of like a dog pretend-sleeping on the kitchen floor). Often I am slaving away over a hot keyboard when the clock hits 11.23am and the cry goes up "eat lunch!". The other day it wasn't until 11.25am (I'm not exaggerating - I check my watch each time as a part of my own personal unofficial active research project) and the call across the floor was something about going to eat LARP.

Larp is something special. It's the Laos "national dish". Describing it as a cold meat salad just doesn't do it justice. There's always a lot of mint, lime juice, fish sauce, often coriander, usually a few too many chillies, shallots and in some cases the parts of animals that would otherwise not make it onto Masterchef.

Eaten by hand with balls of sticky rice, washed down by icy cold beer - mmmmm - heaven on a plate (and in a glass).

 

I love that the Lao word for "mint" translates to "vegetable good scent larp" or, more grammatically correct "the herb that makes the larp smell good" (not an official interpretation but close enough).

A plate full of goodly tastiness - A Whole Lotta Larp

So, back to 11.25 at the office... where the call had just gone up for larp...

 

I said thanks but no thanks because I brought my lunch today (a rare occurrence, admittedly). Confusion reigned. "No" was not the right answer. Eventually I realised we were all going out for larp. No choice. And not just everyday old larp, but DUCK larp. Wow! Duck larp. Somehow that meant something. I feigned excitement and gave in.

 

I had to check - are we going in the car? (thinking perhaps someone had brought food to the office-cum-kitchen downstairs) Yes! Everyone is going in the car. OK. So here we go for another training department lunch. I clicked "save" and grabbed my bag...

Downstairs I realised we really were ALL going in the car.  The Federation's minibus had already done a couple of trips and was pretty much full again when we got to it. We crammed in. I counted 18 blue-shirt clad employees (Monday is blue shirt day) plus one with a purple cardy (it WAS below 32 that day so she was probably cold). So... not just the training section then?

 

18 of us in a 12-seater

 

On the way I tried to find out what the occasion was. Not that Lao people NEED a reason to party and drink beer in the middle of the work day. But I assumed something was up. I asked. I was told. I still didn't really get it. Someone had a card and so we wouldn't have to pay? That's what I think I was told. Huh? Umm, OK. (I was thinking of vouchers or shop-a-dockets or something. I realised I was probably way off track but that's where my head went at the time.)

We arrived. EVERYONE was there. Even a couple of colleagues' kids were there.

 

Larp, larp will keep us together

The food was laid out, the beer was poured over ice, the whole gang was there. I sat near unfamiliar people who freaked a bit because they didn't know what to say to me without their lack of English being obvious. So they said nothing, smiled and put more food on my plate.

Larp is all around

 

It turns out that one of the guys at work had bought a new CAR. Therefore he was shouting everyone out to a larp lunch. Of course. Why didn't I just know that?

And here's a little window into the day's eating pleasures...

Not larp. Congealed blood covered with tasty stuff (just to fool me)

Vegetable matter - of some sort. Fresh and tasty, though!

Larp is all around...

The lovely Syfong and her friend who speaks a bit of English and whose name I really must learn

A photo of no great importance - but it adds to the general ambiance (chaos, confusion)

This place is now known (to me) as The Larp Shack

I ate happy ignorance. I refused the beer (that pillow I have under my desk has already had a bit of a workout lately. This time I wanted to stay awake all day). My colleagues mostly chatted to themselves and sometimes to me - usually raising their voices and repeating complicated sentences in a tone usually reserved for the elderly, deaf, demented and incontinent. I still didn't quite understand. So I smiled and kept eating.

 

Dessert - an unnamed melon and some bland but pretty dragon fruit - it was great!

But enough about the food. There were interesting things going on just around the corner - or behind the kitchen counter...

...like the kitchen staff's footwear:

Non-regulation angry bird slippers

 

The dish pig cat helping out in the kitchen...

Scrawny filthy disgusting moggy helping out with the dishes. Ewwww.

The ever-present Beer Lao umbrellas

Never let it be said that the Laos are not "wholehearted" beer drinkers

 

Lao Beer Company also provides plastic containers for tissues and toothpicks. How thoughtful! The square ones are nicer than the round ones - even if the round ones do fit a toilet roll perfectly.

 

Tissue? Toothpick?

 

By the time we all crammed back into the minibus and got back to the office there was not a lot left of the day and not a lot of energy in the room. I decided to leave my questions about strategic planning until another day. Anyway, as they say here (and also across the river if I remember correctly) "don't be serious!"

And as I say (and am considering for my own personal mantra and maybe even tattoo)...

Larp is all you need

or

Can you feel the larp tonight?

or

Larp like there's no tomorrow

or

Eat, Pray, Larp

or

Tonight I celebrate my larp for you

or (my favourite)...

LARP YOU LONGTIME!

What I reckon about this place

The following "opinion piece" (essay? ramble?) is just what I reckon and may not have any relationship with “the truth” (whatever that is)

Lao People’s Democratic Republic. Laos. One of the "last bastions of communist ideology".  It's tranquil. It’s hot. And often bit wet. Definitely confusing at times. Sometimes surprisingly organized. Usually it looks like chaos but everyone seems to be calm. I rarely hear a raised Lao voice or see anger or frustration. Except in crying babies. And even then not so much. Road rage doesn’t seem to exist – it’s certainly not common. It would be seriously frowned upon. The Lao way to deal with an idiot on a motorbike who cuts you off is to just make way for them. And smile. Plus the food is fabulous.

 

People generally seem sweet and caring. Twice I have lost my umbrella and twice people have made an effort to find me to give it back. One tuk tuk driver was doing laps looking for me to hand it back. People have asked me if I need help quite often (must be the confused look on my face). Haggling over prices is expected and done with a smile and a laugh.

Workplace health and safety stats how this place is a disaster zone. The APHEDA website  explains how this slow, beautiful, little country is one of the poorest in Asia and has one of the highest occupational death rates with 28.8 fatalities per 100,000 people, around nine times higher than Australia.

The importing and use of asbestos is scary. Canada, Russia and China are making a mint - not many other countries will buy their asbestos anymore. Laos will. The dangerous behaviours I see as I walk past any of the hundreds of construction sites is scary, too. I was sure the other day that I was about to witness a worker fall 20 metres to a nasty end. (He didn’t). The legal minimum wage is now $78 USD per month. Mid-level public servants earn around $300 per month (I think – hard to determine). (And my rent on a 2 bedroom flat is $400 per month)

 

Road accidents are common and fatalities and head trauma, especially in motorcycle accidents, are common and expensive. Helmet laws exist but are not well enforced.

After cremation, some people’s bones and ashes are placed in a jar (sometimes a recycled food jar with a plastic lid) and cemented into small spirit-house memorial things on pedestals with a picture and dates. No avoiding the reminder of your own mortality.

Religious things – temples, statues, spirit houses, monks, parades of people throwing rice, strings of flowers for hanging off religious things, offerings to the ancestors – are everywhere. Strangely, though, no one has asked me about my religious beliefs yet. (I copped this question often in Thailand where I think religion is generally a bigger deal than here).

As for many countries experiencing poverty, issues like saving the environment, raising the status of women, helping disadvantaged people achieve their potential, protecting owls and tigers and reducing the national intake of palm oil and MSG are pipe dreams. Or not even dreams – not even thoughts. Yet.

I’m told Vientiane is not like the rest of Laos. It’s not even like the Vientiane I remember from 15 years ago. It’s richer, there are fancy cars on paved roads, money has been poured into large, dramatic and impressive public buildings.  Many, many rice fields and traditional wooden homes have been bulldozed to make way for large concrete apartment blocks, hotels, office blocks and suburbs. There are fat locals around. Some people are doing well.

 

The rate that this place is growing is astounding. I can’t imagine how confusing it must be for older locals. Then again, most older locals are probably living in much improved conditions with running water and electricity (most of the time) and access to good quality tobacco. ‘I no complain’.

But there are still beggars, poverty, disease, infection, cross-infection, poor grubby hospitals, doctor shortages, long waiting lists for blood from the Red Cross, poorly constructed drains, broken footpaths and food handling standards and OHS regulations either don’t exist, are not enforced or not known. And it’s mostly really hot.

I haven’t seen the rest of Laos for ages but I’m reliably informed that’s where the abject poverty, lack of education and infrastructure, desperation and the farming of fields rife with unexploded bombs still are. I have heard several times about areas of the country that can’t access enough food for a couple of months each year so they all go hungry. No wonder people eat moles and bats and grasshoppers.

Rivers that I once was lucky enough to slowly traverse in a small local boat, are being dammed and villages and mountainsides are being flooded. Chinese money (mostly) and lots of foreign workers are changing the landscape. Powers-that-be want to change the economy of the nation by becoming the “Battery of Asia” – creating electricity to sell to Burma, Thailand, Vietnam, China and Cambodia. The Mekong is being depleted, the dolphins are nearly all gone (I heard there are 6 left) and elephants, tigers, rhinos and the Asian Unicorn (seriously! its called that) are endangered.

Unexploded bombs litter great tracts of land making it useless or dangerous. Limbs and lives are lost because of these little balls of horror.

Laos girls are sold into the sex industry and trafficked across the border. Access to young girls is promoted online by westerners seeking a Thai-beach-style experience for a few days. Women are generally seen as equal – equal pay, not-yet-equal-but-not-too-bad representation in government positions, power within the household – but held on tight leashes that control their behaviour, dress, looks and living arrangements. Mistresses are common, but a cheating wife is totally ostracized. Female sexuality is micro-managed so that they do not entice, infect or reduce protective charms or seduce boys, men and monks – unless they are supposed to (and then the skirts are very short and the bare shoulders shimmy).

I’ve heard people say they think the work ethic here is one of laziness. Sure, things work at a different pace, but I keep meeting really hard working people.  Many people have second jobs. Even third ones. My colleague Noy works all week and studies all weekend. She is doing a masters degree as well as raising two young kids, running the household and taking care of her husband and her widowed mother. She never has time off. She rushes home some lunch times to cook. Other lunch times, like right now as I write this, she is studying and finishing assignments at her desk. Her mother does a fair bit of the child minding. Noy says she is lucky because that means she can study.

Education is revered and getting a university degree is on the agenda for many, many kids – especially here in Vientiane, anyway. And overseas degree is even more desired. In the past , USSR and East Germany had scholarship arrangements and there are many Laos who speak German and some speak Russian. It’s that commie connection.

 

It’s SO BEAUTIFUL too.  After the heavy rains last night this morning was fresh and bright and clean. Flowering trees have enormous blossoms. Gold-painted eaves and gold leaf rubbings glint off temples, statues and pretty hanging things. Everyone smiles a lot. Barbecued banana for breakfast is the best. Pawpaw salad is tasty and fresh and delicious for lunch. Family is more important than work or career, work ethic is relaxed and if things can’t be done or take too much effort then maybe they aren’t that important after all. Individualism as we know it is unfamiliar  - why would anyone want to be alone when you can have love and support and friendship around you? People work to ensure strong emotions are not generated (not just quelled but not actually generated). Meditation and just sitting around are common pastimes. So is lying around in front of the TV. Internet access is everywhere in the city and cheap (albeit not always reliable). Many people have cable TV and watch a mix of Laos, Thai, Chinese and American TV shows. Usually bad ones in my opinion (Thai soaps have not improved in the years since I tried to follow one).

I’m rich here. Even just having a passport makes me rich (I can leave). I can afford to live alone. I work in an air conditioned office. I eat out as much as I want to. I can even afford to buy a 3 litre cask of gin (if I wanted to).

Life for me is good. I really hope in a year’s time I consider myself a small part of a solution rather than just a part of a problem. (And that I have lost a few kilos and have achieved an even tan on my feet.)

Snags and Flies - one for the kiddies

Lao sausages are delicious. They come in all shapes and sizes and possibly even different flavours. So far to me they have all tasted spicy and salty and fatty. A taste sensation!

On side-of-the-road food stalls around here you see long coloured ones and short sliced ones and round balled ones and barbecued ones and fried ones and skewered ones.

Rounded balls of sausagey goodness

The food-like substances on far left and far right are Lao sausages on sticks.

 

Yummmm!

 

And then I saw them being made. It was at the "fresh food" market. It was a Friday. It was frightening.

 

At first I wasn't sure what I was looking at... big grubby archaic machinery with gobs of various coloured goo being forced into a funnel and minced into gruel.

 

Not sure where the red came from. Spices? Chillies? Liver? Offal?

 

 

More gruel

 

And then the guy who had done the mincing shoved the tub over to the woman who shoved the goo through another archaic, grubby-looking machine that forced the goo into what looked like very, very long thin plastic bags (sausage skins).

 

They started to look vaguely like snags

 

It was fast and furious and sausages were being produced at a mile a minute. This two-person sausage line was impressive!

 

And then they were packed for sale or transport or something...

 

The sausage maker (I wonder if that's what she'd write on her resume?) worked deftly shoving snags into plastic bags. But wait for the best bit! ...  and then she fished around in the bag to pick all the flies out of the bag. Big black ones. Easy to see I suppose. Not great for sales.

 

Pluck out those nasty little maggot-mothers!

 

Yep - let's just have a closer look at that, shall we? (I certainly did when I saw it)

 

Fishin' for flies

 

I am not particularly fussy about food hygiene (as past work colleagues will attest) but even I was off snags for a few days after this.  Then I figured that a few minutes on a barbie plate should kill off most nasties, (and surely 6 million Laos can't be wrong?) so bring 'em on!!

 

 

And I'm not even going to tell you about the fish...

 

Sushi anyone?

 

 

1 walk; 50 snaps

I went for a walk this evening and here's some things I saw.